And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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