PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
