I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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