I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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