Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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