Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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