Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
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