dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
