how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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