I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
