I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
