She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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