I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
