It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
