I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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