So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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