there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It all started with a game of naked twister.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
