:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
