erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
