I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
