there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize