is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm jealous of your bromance
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
