ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You need a sexual gate keeper
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
