its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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