I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
