she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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