Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I've blown a few things in my day
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
