Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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