if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
