I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
