I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
