Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
