I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize