My balls are so social today.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
