the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
