My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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