i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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