I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
