On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
