So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
