Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
