Your dad touched me again.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize