Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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