I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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