so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize