U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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