my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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