So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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