Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
