Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
