conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize