come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
