You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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