ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
