puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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