Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My hand turned me down
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize