Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
