she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
