dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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