idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
