I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize