we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I believe in your delicious
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
