just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
