PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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