So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
