Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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