you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
