Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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