I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
it glows. i had to have it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize