Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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