I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
