Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
