I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he fucked my hip out of place.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
