I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
