you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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