____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
this hospital has no fireball
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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