I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
