lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
