I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize