well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
