I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
