so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
