No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
