Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
