This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
