Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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