Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
