Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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