Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize