was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
