rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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