So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
