She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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