peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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