Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
