now i know why i became what i already was.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
