I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
