I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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