I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
