Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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