dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
