i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
