I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize