The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
